Monday, June 26, 2006

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

First off, I can't add. I miscalculated the dates in my last post - saying I was 6 weeks and 1 day out from my accident when I was really 5 weeks and 1 day out. Jeesh! And I've even been exercising my brain with crossword puzzles almost daily!! I have 10 days until my doctor's appointment and potential cast removal. And yes, I added the dates up twice to make sure I had it right this time. Ten days. Of course, today we are experiencing record-high temperatures in Seattle. They are expecting the low 90s today. Other than the downstairs basement, I am in the coolest room in the house, in front of an oscillating fan, and I can still feel the sweat collecting inside my cast. Ick. I may take a cool bath just to get some relief. And the dull aching continues. I hope to God it means my bones are healing.

Saturday night we took our nephew Al to Jazz Alley with some friends of ours to see Larry Carlton. Larry has been a session player and played with some amazing acts like Steely Dan and Joni Mitchell and Michael McDonald from the Doobie Brothers. The show was wonderful! As I told one of our friends though, I can understand why Ted Bundy used a fake arm fracture to lure his victims. The attention and sympathy I get for this broken ankle is amazing. It is both beautiful and loving as well as humiliating and annoying for an independent girl like myself. While waiting in line before the show, one of the valet men brought me a chair to sit on. Nothing like standing out like a sore thumb in a crowd when you're the only one sitting at crotch level! But it was very sweet of him - and I'm sure it saved me from the ritual of breaking into a sweat after being on my feet for too long. I truly did appreciate it. I don't mean to belittle the efforts of the very generous people around me. A few minutes before the doors opened we were told to go to the back door to the "handicapped entrance" so that I didn't have to deal with 2 levels of stairs. What a life-saver! We were able to walk right in and the hostess immediately set up a table for us and the rest of our party - right in front of the stage. As I hobbled over to the table she said, "You poor thing. How much longer are you going to be in that thing?" She was very sweet, and I really did appreciate her being so accommodating. After the show, Larry Carlton and his band lingered around and signed autographs. We sent Al (along with our friend's son Matthew) with our CD and his and a pen to collect the autographs. What a great surprise it was to see Larry Carlton following the boys back to our table so he could sign my cast! He said, "I don't get this opportunity every day!"

Being crippled certainly has its privileges. I've got an autograph on my cast to prove it - and I had the pleasure of watching the show without the risk of falling down 2 flights of stairs. But as much as I appreciate the generosity and kindness of everyone I encounter, I would trade it all for the ability to take my new car for a drive on my own. Or the chance to go swimming with my daughter. Or the ability to take my dogs for a walk around the neighborhood. The truth is, I'm used to being my own woman. I hate having to ask someone to fill my water glass, or get me something to eat. I hate watching my husband do all the work around here. I hate feeling like all I am doing is TAKING and not giving at all. Always RECEIVING. I hate watching my legs get flabby, knowing that I have a battle ahead of me to tone them up that is even greater than it was before the accident. I just want my normal life back. I won't complain about having to cook or clean. I won't complain about running kids all over town.

Ten more days until my next milestone.

1 comment:

HeatherJ said...

I just discovered your blog. This post in particular really hit me. I hate that I can't spend as much time with my kids, and that my husband has to do everything for me. I too am a very independent woman. One of my favorite things to do is go for long walks with the kids and the thought that I might not be up for that until the Pacific Northwest Winters is so sad. I just started reading but it is great to find others experiencing the same problems and emotions.