Friday, June 09, 2006

Struggling at week 3

I remember when my husband underwent major surgery (a kidney/pancreas transplant in 1997), the nurses told me that day 3 was usually the worst postop. There must be something about the number 3. I am 3 WEEKS post injury and I am struggling mentally. Three-plus weeks ago I suffered a trimalleolar fracture of my ankle while trying to board a plane out of Seattle. I was on my way to Washington DC on business, but my husband was going to meet me in DC 5 days later so we could embark on a 2-week vacation to London and Scotland together. We had tickets to see Eric Clapton at the Royal Albert Hall. Who would have thought that a simple slip on the jetway would cause so much trouble.

The first week, I was dealing with the pain of the injury. I was also bombarded with love from friends and families - flowers, balloons, teddy bears, and cards. I underwent surgery 5 days after the injury and that kept things interesting for a while. But now, 2+ weeks later, the lack of exercise and lack of fresh air is starting to get to me. I have ventured out of the house a couple of times - a 3-hour trip to lunch and Target last weekend, a brief trip to the pharmacy and out to lunch earlier this week. But I find that the excursions, while uplifting mentally, completely drain me of my energy. I can usually count on a day in bed recovering after an outing of any duration.

For the past few days I have found it more and more difficult to be productive. I am teaching an online class this quarter and have been able to continue working. The first 2 weeks I would wake up and attack my work with enthusiasm, grateful for something to occupy my mind. But this week has been entirely different. I am spending more and more time staring at the TV - or checking email without responding. I don't want to answer the phone when it rings. Getting up and hobbling to the living room with my crutches is more work than I want to deal with. This feels like familiar shades of depression starting to take its toll. I am hoping that by writing this all down, I will begin to turn things around.

Tomorrow is a graduation party for my neighbor's daughter. A lot of our friends will be there, and I am really looking forward to feeling like a normal person. It will be so nice to visit with friends outside of my own 4 walls! Perhaps writing this down tonight and spending the afternoon with friends tomorrow will make a big difference in my attitude.

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